Elancharan
Acceptance
I’m sorry
You have been
Diagnosed with HIV
These words
Will crush your soul
These exact words
Will force you
To feel fear
Your very existence
Threatened by a virus
A being
Invisible to our
Naked eyes
Infecting our humanity
Killing us off
Little by little
Pushing our organs
Beyond their limits
Pushing our immunity
Into abysmal pits
I’m sorry
For myself
I really am
Those late night parties
Drinking, dancing
Moving to the
Dangerous beats
My world spinning
Spinning out of control
Neon lights
Bubbling into existence
Warping my sight
Laughter
Laughing in my face
Into the arms of strangers
Men, women
Does it even matter?
Feeling my way
Through this sea
Of tender bodies
Into the bed
Of strangers
Making carnal love
Taking things to
A whole new level
Only to wake up
To missing partners
And sore all over
I break into tears
Knowing I could
Never wake up
To a lover
Who would stay
In bed with me
I’m sorry
For myself
When cigarettes
Are not enough
When alcohol
Can never
Get me higher
I’m popping pills
Sniffing powder
Snatching
Bloodstained syringes
From back alley pushers
Tapping veins
Tapping harder
Come out
Come out
Wherever you are
I’m pulling on
The belt
Tightening the leather
There you are!
Sliding in the needle
Breaking pale skin
Spilling some blood
My head is
Against the wall
Eyes trying to keep up
With the light
I feel the plastic
Slip from my hands
Taken from me
I do nothing
I do nothing
To resist
I’m sorry
There is no cure
I have to face reality
I have to accept the facts
I will not sit by, idle
But live life to its fullest
Death
Would come for me
Today, tomorrow, some day
But, until then
I would do all
In my power to
Prevent the spread of my horrors…
Elancharan is an exhibiting artist and poet. He lives in Singapore with his family and his cat, Leo. He has a strange love for all that is poetical and Sci-Fi. He is the author of several poetry collections (see his author page on Amazon). His poems have appeared in various international print and online platforms. To find more of his work visit him on Instagram @elancharan or Twitter @elancharang
This poem appears on Soundcloud.